


Had to Go Too Far to Know How Far to Go

by ByTheAngell (SomeLittleInfamy)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Lovers, Friends to Enemies, Light Angst, M/M, POV Jace Wayland, Protectiveness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:15:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29793852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeLittleInfamy/pseuds/ByTheAngell
Summary: After growing closer to, and rather fond of, Andrew Underhill, Jace feels particularly betrayed to discover that Andrew's the one turning him in for sneaking out all the time.
Relationships: Andrew Underhill/Jace Wayland
Comments: 7
Kudos: 20
Collections: SHBingo 20-21





	Had to Go Too Far to Know How Far to Go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Noteventhat (Facialteeth)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Facialteeth/gifts).



> SH Bingo Square: Enemies to Lovers

Jace is seething, sitting across from Maryse in her office as the Head of the Institute. Jace isn’t sure if he’s relieved it’s Maryse and not Robert - sometimes he thinks he can play Robert a little better than he can Maryse, but he isn’t sure it matters this time around. He knows he’s in actual trouble when he’s called into the office instead of just reprimanded wherever she happens to find him around the Institute.

And he’s _definitely_ in trouble. Apparently, someone saw him sneaking out after curfew and turned him in. He barely made it two blocks away from the Institute before he felt a tap on his shoulder and was instructed to return back immediately, then escorted directly here.

Jace isn’t sure who told on him - he knows he mentioned the party he was trying to go to around a few of the other Shadowhunters during training that morning, mostly to brag about the pretty Seelie girl who invited him. Any one of them could’ve gotten jealous and decided to be petty about it.

So instead of drinking Seelie wine and forgetting about his responsibilities for a night, he’s getting a lecture on representing not only the New York Institute and the Nephilim stationed here, but the _Lightwood name_. Jace grits his teeth and manages to “Yes, Ma’am” and “sorry, Ma’am” his way through the lecture.

No matter how many times he asks, she refuses to tell him who turned him in.

The next morning at training he eyes the others with a steely gaze. “I’m not sure which one of you ratted me out,” he says. “But if I find out-” Jace pauses there, his eyes narrowing dangerously. “Scratch that, _when_ I find out, I’ll make sure you never have a single fun night in your entire life. Don’t pull that shit again.”

Jace eyes them all one-by-one, catching Alec’s eye-roll before noticing the confused expressions of a few others who don’t seem to know what he’s even talking about, let alone be the ones responsible for it. Either they’re surprisingly good at playing dumb, or none of them went to Maryse.

But if it wasn’t any of them, who else could it be?

\---

The next time Jace gets in trouble for trying to sneak out of the Sanctuary to avoid getting caught, this time to test out using the morning star flail that Robert keeps insisting Jace can’t take in the field, he gets assigned weapon and combat gear cleaning duty for the next two weeks.

To his surprise, Andrew Underhill is waiting outside the training room as he leaves Maryse’s office. He tries to look like he’s just passing by but Jace is positive he was listening in.

“Who knew wanting to practice a new weapon would be frowned upon,” Jace comments, covering his frustration with the whole situation with his usual bravado, forcing a smirk on his face. “Guess cleaning all the weapons is one way to familiarize myself with them better.”

“Pretty sure it’s less the wanting to practice and more the going on patrol alone with a weapon you’re not proficient in,” Andrew doesn’t look amused. “Seems like a good way to get yourself killed.”

Jace rolls his eyes. “I would’ve been fine.”

“Sure you would’ve,” Andrew agrees easily enough, though Jace notes with a moment of annoyance that he doesn’t sound genuine. Does he think Jace is that incompetent, too? “Sorry about the cleaning detail,” Andrew adds, which shifts the subject slightly.

“Don’t be,” Jace shrugs. “Isn’t like it’s your fault.”

A strange look crosses Andrew’s face at that, a flicker of hesitation as if he might say something, then changes his mind. Jace almost comments on it but Andrew speaks again, his words quick and dismissive.

“Yeah, no, of course not. Just trying to be sympathetic.” That’s what Andrew says, though Jace can’t help but notice he still _looks_ guilty, but maybe that’s just for the eavesdropping.

Jace arches an eyebrow. “Right,” he says slowly, not sure why Andrew’s being so weird all of a sudden. “Anyway, guess I should go get some rest if I’m going to be up at the crack of dawn wiping down weapons.” Jace turns and leaves Andrew still lingering outside of Maryse’s office, not thinking twice about it.

The following morning Jace shows up to the weapons room prepared for several hours of solitary cleaning. He definitely doesn’t expect Andrew to show up about half an hour in with an offer to help.

“Want a hand?” Andrew asks, eyeing the still very large pile of unpolished weapons.

“...why would you want to do that?” Jace asks suspiciously. This is a punishment after all, and he sure as hell wouldn’t be here if he didn’t have to be. No one in their right mind would willingly subject themselves to this.

Andrew shrugs. “Couldn’t sleep. Sometimes the repetitiveness of these sorts of tasks helps clear my head. Plus, I figured you could use the company. If you’d rather be alone, though, I could go…”

Jace considers the offer. It’s way too quiet in here - Jace always preferred to be around people, to have conversation and distractions so he isn’t left alone with his thoughts for too long. If nothing else, Jace would definitely appreciate the company even if Andrew just hangs out and doesn’t do any actual cleaning.

“Alright, have at it,” Jace finally agrees.

The two of them spend the next two hours talking and joking as they polish the weapons, and Jace realizes that this is probably the first significant amount of time he’s spent alone with Andrew. They get along surprisingly well, and Jace would be lying to himself if he didn’t admit how much he appreciates the way Andrew seems to look at him with an almost reverent admiration, despite being older than Jace. He can’t help it - when you spend the better part of your life trying to impress others, it’s the best feeling in the world when it pays off.

Andrew shows up to help Jace a few more times that week, until Jace begins to expect him rather than wonder if he’ll show. Outside of a few misguided attempts to rein in Jace’s reckless side, which Jace chalks up to pretty standard interactions for a friendship with him, the two of them only grow closer. Andrew is smart, the properly _clever_ sort of smart that Jace loves, but he’s also kind. Much more kind than many raised in the life of Nephilim are. And it’s that kindness, that warmth, that Jace is drawn to the most.

When Jace’s punishment ends he feels a pang of unexpected loss at the idea of not seeing Andrew every day. He goes out on a limb and asks if Andrew would want to have a standing offer to meet up for breakfast in the mornings in the cafeteria, so they still have time outside of training and patrols to just hang out.

There’s a little flutter in Jace’s stomach when Andrew eagerly agrees with a huge smile, and Jace realizes with sudden certainty that somewhere over the past two weeks his feelings for Andrew may have shifted to something more than just a desire for friendship.

He ignores that for now, content with breakfast, daily talks, and getting to know Andrew a little better.

\---

“Why don’t you wash up and meet me down in the cafeteria? I’ll see if I can get us some breakfast food cooked up,” Andrew offers. He sounds… hesitant. Maybe even a little scared. Jace doesn’t blame him - Jace knows he must look about two seconds away from self-destructing because he _feels_ like he is.

Jace messed up. He knows he messed up, and he’s going to do something to fix it. He has to.

“No, I just want to sleep,” Jace says, his tone uncharacteristically cold toward Andrew who has recently become the only person to see the best sides of him nearly constantly. He can’t help it when the very sight of Andrew brings a small smile to his face no matter how bad of a mood he’s in… or at least, it usually does. “See you tomorrow.”

They just got back from a failed mission, one that Jace was in charge of. Jace kept most of his control during the debriefing, and now the rest of the team heads off to shower and rest.

Not Jace.

Jace waits until Andrew is out of sight before he slips away unnoticed to the weapons room. Grabbing two extra daggers and a seraph blade, he heads back to where his team lost track of the demons they were after before. He’s only back on the trail for a few minutes before Alec finds him, saying that Hodge sent him to track Jace and bring him back. The look of pure regret on Alec’s face says everything Jace needs to know about how in trouble he is.

“Sorry,” Alec says for the tenth time on their way back to the Institute. “I could always say I didn’t find you,” he offers, sounding unconvinced that would be any better.

Jace shakes his head. “No, then they’ll just punish you, too,” he sighs. “How did he even know I was gone?! I swear no one saw me leave.”

Alec shrugs. “I dunno.” They continue to walk in silence until Alec drops Jace off in the training room where Hodge is waiting, arms crossed over his chest.

Jace thinks that the worst news he’ll hear that night is the clearly stated warning that if he ever tries to go on an unsanctioned mission alone again he’ll be pulled from active duty entirely.

Instead, it’s the revelation of who told Hodge what he was doing that fills Jace’s veins with ice and makes him feel like he’s about to throw up.

“If Underhill hadn’t seen the cameras and warned us as fast as he did…”

Jace doesn’t hear anything after that, the words a buzzing noise in his brain. Underhill. _Andrew._ The fact that Andrew is the one who betrayed him makes this a million times worse. He trusted him. He _liked_ him. He still does, which makes this hurt so much more. If it’d be anyone else…

Jace wastes no time going directly to Andrew’s room after Hodge releases him.

“What the _fuck_ , Andrew?!” Jace demands before the door is even fully open.

Andrew looks as sick to his stomach as Jace felt only minutes prior.

“I’m sorry,” Andrew manages. “But you-”

“You’re not my goddamn keeper. You nearly got me pulled from active duty!” Jace seethes.

Andrew pales. “I’m sorry,” he repeats.

“Yeah, you keep saying that,” Jace points out, nothing but heat in his eyes and venom in his tone. He’s pissed. He doesn’t _want_ to be pissed at Andrew, but he is, and he needs to get this out.

Andrew, to Jace’s surprise, grows defensive. “Maybe if you stopped trying to show off on your own all the time I wouldn’t have to keep turning you in just to--”

Jace’s jaw drops open and Andrew’s words cut off abruptly with the realization of what he just admitted.

“ _Keep turning me in_?” Jace repeats, shaking his head. “It was you before, too, wasn’t it? By the Angel, Andrew, I thought we were friends! I thought-” but now it’s Jace’s turn to cut his words off abruptly because now is not the time for that, no matter how hurt he feels right now. “You know what, never mind. It doesn’t matter, because we clearly aren’t. I don’t want you to speak to me again, Underhill.”

Jace doesn’t stay for a response, allowing the abrupt shift from calling him Andrew to spitting out _Underhill_ like it’s poison to do all the talking for him.

\---

Things continue on in this way for a while - it seems like every time Jace goes off to make a potentially reckless decision Andrew is right there to drag him back. At first, Jace thought he was being too obvious, but no matter how many precautions he takes, Andrew always finds out, and Jace suffers for it. He knows the punishments are meant to be a deterrent but he mostly ignores them - in fact, they have the opposite effect. If everyone is going to assume he’s always out to cause trouble, then he might as well _actually_ be out to cause trouble and have some fun in the process, live up to the reputation and all, right?

The times he manages to elude punishment only fuel more attempts, more risks to see how far he can push whatever fates are working against him here. When he gets away with it he’s rewarded with lavish nights out and thrilling solo missions far beyond anything he’d get cleared for through official channels, as well as any other number of adventures. More importantly, every time he manages to sneak out under Andrew’s seemingly constant watch (because of _course_ Andrew works security at the Institute) it feels like a bigger victory, a louder ‘ _fuck you!’_ to the person who, for reasons Jace still doesn’t understand because he refuses to speak with him, seems determined to ruin his life.

The only time they talk is on missions, and even then Jace shuts down any attempt at conversation outside of tactics and relevant information on whatever they’re tracking or fighting or protecting. He can tell that it hurts Andrew, but he pretends not to care just as intently as he pretends it doesn’t hurt him just as much. Jace reminds himself that Andrew is the one who betrayed _him_ and _his trust_ , after all.

They go on like this for quite some time. For half a year, in fact. Six straight months of Jace glaring daggers at Andrew every time he gets pulled in for breaking some rule or another. Six months of ignoring Andrew every time he practically begs Jace to just stop doing things that’ll get him in trouble in the first place.

Six months until Jace’s curiosity gets the better of him, finally overriding his anger enough for him to spin around after starting to walk away from Andrew in the middle of yet another attempted-conversation-turned-fight.

“I have to know,” Jace says. “What did I ever do to make you hate me so much?”

“I don’t hate you!” Andrew says. “I never hated you! Which you’d know if you ever just listened to me.”

“The thing is, I find that really hard to believe because I can’t imagine spending every waking moment trying to ruin the life of someone I _liked_.” Jace huffs. “Was it something I said? Were you jealous that the Lightwoods let me head missions-”

“Stop it,” Andrew pleads. “Stop being an ass just to push people away. I’m not your enemy, Jace!” Andrew snaps. “I’m trying to keep you alive, since you have no inclination of doing that on your own. I’m…” Underhill’s words stall out in his frustration as if he’s suddenly wondering if he should be saying anything at all. “I’m _looking out for you_ , you self-sacrificing asshole,” he finishes, then seems to forcibly shut his mouth to not say anything more.

The words sound like they should be insults, but there isn’t anger behind them. Or, at least, there isn’t _just_ anger - Jace can hear the concern behind them, too.

“I can look out for myself,” Jace points out, still defensive but much less angry.

“Sure you _can_ ,” Andrew says. “But you _don’t_. And I couldn’t convince you to, so…”

So Andrew wasn’t trying to ruin Jace’s life, he’s trying to protect it. And if Jace believes him, then he’s been doing it since before they were friends, and while they were friends, and even after, while Jace treated him like absolute shit for it.

“Why?” Jace asks. He’s pretty sure he knows, but he needs to hear Andrew say it. He needs to _know_ and not just assume.

Andrew looks momentarily mortified by the question. “I can’t believe you’re going to make me say it…” Andrew mumbles.

“You wanted me to listen,” Jace reminds him. “Here’s your chance. I’m listening.”

Andrew seems to have lost the drive he had at the start of the conversation when the words were spilling out of him. Now it looks as if he has to force himself to say what comes next, but he does.

“Because I care about you, Jace. Because I like you. A lot. And the idea of something happening to you…” Andrew trails off, looking down at his feet for a moment before lifting his head to meet Jace’s eyes again. “I couldn’t stand it, not if there was something I could do to try and keep you safe. And maybe it wasn’t my place. Maybe I shouldn’t have, but I just… even if you hated me for it, I couldn’t just stand back and wait for the night you went off to do something reckless and didn’t make it back.”

A heavy silence falls between them, Andrew done speaking his truth and Jace taking a moment to process it all.

“It wasn’t your place,” Jace agrees. “But as far as reasonings go, not wanting me to get hurt isn’t the sort of thing I can hate you for, is it?”

“I don’t know, you tell me,” Andrew says, looking anxious again.

Jace sighs. “Listen, before all of this,” Jace says, making a vague hand motion between the two of them to symbolize the past six months and everything that went wrong. “Before I ruined everything, I thought there might be something between us. And I get it, if I fucked things up too much to go back now, I understand, but-”

A second later Jace’s words are cut short by the press of Andrew’s lips to his in a kiss he returns eagerly once he recovers from the momentary surprise of it. It only breaks when Jace absolutely needs to take a breath, and honestly, Jace might’ve just gone right back in for more if Andrew didn’t take a small step back.

“You didn’t ruin everything,” Andrew says, unable to keep the small smile from his face now. “I meant what I said. I _care_ about you. I like you. Present tense, here and now, even after everything. I’m not saying we should just pretend the last few months never happened, but… I don’t think it isn’t anything we can’t come back from. Do you?”

“Listen, I know we need to talk about this, and we will, but right now I really just want to kiss you again,” Jace confesses.

Andrew laughs. “We do need to talk. We should also maybe take the night to think things through before we jump into anything we’ll regret, verbally _or_ physically.”

“I hate it when you’re rational,” Jace mutters. “But you’re right.”

“Maybe we can meet tomorrow? Over breakfast?” Andrew suggests.

The idea of having Andrew back, as a friend or something more, feels too good to be true. But here it is - here _Andrew_ is - beaming like the goddamn sun.

“Breakfast sounds perfect,” Jace agrees, his smile genuine and hopeful for the first time in months.

**Author's Note:**

> (Find me on [Tumblr](http://bytheangell.tumblr.com) and also on [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/By_The_Angell)! <3 )


End file.
